new year

new yr doesn't ring any bell to me anymore, i stop counting the yr after i am 30 coz it doesnt make any difference to my life and more importantly i dont want to remind myself how old i am hahaha. when we were young, every year was a milestone.. form 4, form 5... fresh yr, sophomore.. graduate.. 1st yr working, new yr party,new yr resolution, things we must achieve, get the 1st 10k in account and happily buy urself a present, get the first car, first house, daydream about 1st million, a gf/bf,etc etc... its such an exciting time with so much hope, joy and promises. and of course some despair, remorse when we take stock of things we promise ourself to do the previous yr. some how few yrs down the road, new yr means very little other the salary increment or bonus. it doesnt mark anything, just a smirk in the face when the fire crackers scattered in dark sky .. yep, the earth has completed 1 more rotation around the sun and i have to add 1 yr to my age. wtf does some ball rotations got to do with me?

but chinese new year is totally different. nobody gives a shit abt some resolutions or wht u did in the past yr. its pure celebration. so much fooooood, angpau, fire crackers, kids can have fun all day, u wont get scolded for boozing, gambling but not swearing la... Too bad the atmosphere is not that strong anymore. it only 2 weeks to cny yet the 'feel' is not there. maybe the lousy economics got to do with it. yep, we materialistic modern monkeys forget how to have fun without paper bills.

i remembered when i was young, the cny mood extended almost 1 month before the real thing. my mum and aunties would make so many types of cookies-kuih bangkit, kuih kapet, pineapple tart,butter cookies,conflakes cookies, u name it.we even made our own bakua and ba hu. my duty was to stir things up- eggs,butterscoth, chocolate,caramel, corn starch... dad would have to repair dysfunctioned radio, dysfunctioned lights, dysfunctioned bicycle( mine),paint the gate, paint the house, get the new red lanterns, and all the heavenly fooood-bakua,mandrin orange, my kickapoo, my greenspot, seafoods, etc etc...

now, i dun know wht to do except shop for some new clothes ( which i do on monthly basis), buy some bakua ( which i buy every few months), pre order some fresh seafood at rediculous price( which i buy every other week), and some dried seafood at even more ridiculous price ( abalone - canned, 11/2 piece, rm 258/can, sea cucumber rm 690/kg, fish maw - rm 90/50gm, scallop- rm 159/16 pcs). sis will be buying some cookies and promise to make some . i really dun know wht else i can do to create that magic feel. i cant paint my gate coz its powder coated wrought iron, i cant paint my wall, its washable and theres all the decorative flat stones, i cant fix my bicycle, theres aint any, i cant clear my house, its mopped every week, i aint have anything to throw away, i aint have anything to fix. i wish i can gather every family member to make cookies again.. wishful thinking - hey i want my cny mood back! fuck, lets go buy some fire crackers from some dodgy ah bengs.