taken at Ampang LRT station a few months ago.

My political view? what view?

remote control

SONY REMOTE CONTROL



NAIM REMOTE CONTROL




B&O REMOTE CONTROL


Hmm.. i always like to keep things simple. but it seems we have to pay more to get less in the case of number of buttons in a remote control.

Sony - 40-50 ? buttons RM2,200
Naim - 12 buttons RM 7,500
B&O - wht button? RM 60,000

Home Movie Theater System Junk

Look, home theater system is the last thing i will allow to enter my house. i am a hi-fi guy, a purist fan of sound. i just want my black box to reproduce some nice natural sound. full stop.home theater system is totally different. its a nightmare for me, with all the center speakers, side speakers, rear speakers, woofer,surround sound, 5.1,7.1,10.1, cables flying all over the wall and beneath the floor.. no, i dun want helicopter sound to surround my living room with its eerie pitch and ground shaking bass, fuck that. if i need some serious noise pollution, i can always stand in front of pudu bus station. i also have phobia to operate its remote control .it should be called remote uncontrollable. there are like at least 100 buttons on it, wtf, i think even a nuclear bomb launcher aint that complicated.

the thing is my humble dvd player broke down on christmas day. i bought it for 200+ 2 yrs ago and its been playing all the craps i throwed at it. maybe playing 2 yrs of pirated dvds poisoned it to death finally. so, me & my gf went to shop for a new dvd player. my gf was interested in a player with kara-oke function, since its ideal to sing song with my hd tele...hmm, and so this young sales person highly recommend the best item for our need, a.k.a a home theater system la. fuck me. anyway, this sales rep just kept convincing her how good the home theater system is blalalaala.. i am not saying a sony or pioneer system worth 2000+ is not good. its just not my kind of thing. since my gf quite like the system ( by judging the design of the led lights) and i love her very much, we get it all wrapped up, 5 big boxes of electronic junks in 3 shopping trolleys, yep.

On our way out, I saw a demo room for yamaha products. someone is playing a movie using an av receiver. hey! its sounds a lot better than all the bombastic sounds i just endured earlier. hey, this is not bad since it can play movie and only come with 2 book shelf speakers. no crazy cables, no surround sound, no 7 speakers, hoorah.. the display tag stated " natural piano sound". and most most importantly, the remote control has only 20 buttons. yey! and i can understand mostly of it. the only thing is it costed 3600+. fuck, after struggled for abt 30 seconds, i decided to return the 3 trolleys of junks and get this decent yamaha set instead.

haiya, what am i doing?actually i just want a dvd player. i already owned a decent hi fi system - audiolab preamp /mono-blocks with my b&w p5 speakers which i bought back from uk. it costed me 3 months of slavery life washing dishes in restaurant back then. i dun really pay attention to the sound quality while watching news or drama. but

gee.. i will not step into any hifi shop for a long time from now on. and my gf is still upset with me coz this yamaha thingie dun have kara-oke or fancy led lights.

***************

baby is in the house!!!

It's a boy. We're both fine. 3.6kg, good size. I'. so tired, going to rest now.

sis

Ground Zero, BA

I went to Bukit Antarabangsa landslide scene today. I have no business there but since its so near to my work place & monday blue overwhelmed me, me & my site stuffs decided to organise a "lawatan sambil belajar" to the place after having our lunch.

I havent go to that area since 2 yrs ago. so, i actually took the long way i.e. taking the mrr2 exit at taman ukay height. this area never fails to charm me. 5 minutes steady climb over the winding road, I could smell the sweet forest aroma, birds chirping all around & some dozens of monkeys having their siesta by the roadside.

Further up the hilly area, my heart started to sink. besides the old housing terraces on the flat terrain, there r at least 6 housing projects goin on along the taman melawati road, all sit on alarmingly steep slope. some slopes has developed partial erosion and minor landslides can be seen all over the place. maybe its due to recent continuous rainfalls. water can be seen gushing down thru these long narrow staggered u-drains from top of the hill.

we just kept goin on the narrow road till reaching the police temporary posts. yep, this is ground zero. the scene infront of me sent a violent shiver straight to my heart. i never seen anything like this, its like this place was struck by eart quake or hit by a bomb. the premix road is all rippled up & down like M. few houses r tilted so unrealistically , 30deg i think. things like this only appear in dali's paintings. I chatted with a few mpaj workers. they said it looks much better now as tons & tons of mud & trees had been exported out of the place for the past one week.

To my surprise, there is actually no new development in that section. the entire slope was actually covered with primary trees before it gave way and hammered into the bungalows below it. on top of slope, the 5 storey low density condo is hanging on. gosh! if the slide extends 20m or so during the incident, the entire condo will be tumbling down the hill before it hits the bungalows!!!

but one thing does provide a sign this ground is dangerous. stream water can been seen gushing thru the temporary drain just meters away from the bungalow. it wasnt even raining yesterday. maybe there is some truth on rumour that cascades used to run thru this area before the bungalows r built.

i have some mix feelings for the affected residents. they knew they sit on danger ground but cant resist the temptation nature can provides here. each bungalow here is so tastefully built and must have costed >3 mil.

i dunno who to blame. at least the state government is offering some help both mentally & finincially tho i dun think the millionaire residents need the later. rm10k for the damaged house is a joke but a good gesture. federal government is doin absolutely nothing positive til now, except the usual ban & review procedure. if all the projects r freezed, i can bet my entire fucking savings, my house plus my dog the unprotected fresh slopes will topple one by one in 6 months time. good job again, najib & ong ka chuan.

on the way back, we stopped by the original highland tower site. is this what gonna to happen to the scene we just went just a few valley away?rc frames covered by thick bushes, heaven for drug addicts, perfect filming scene for horror movies while the owners still paying their monthly home mortgage til today?

1st aid

I had a small accident today. Was driving to the airport to pick 5th and 6th aunts up. didn't realise the road was very slippery due to ice. My car skidded, hit the curb hard, lost the steering and the front passenger side wheel came off (but still half attached/hanging from its metal bar). I got out of the car to check things out, slipped and fell on my elbows and knees! My tummy seems ok, though. Thankfully, a colleague drove by and offered to send me all the way to Newcastle and fetch aunts back with me. Not a good day, but I guess God sent someone to the rescue.

The amount of luggage they brought was quite impressive. Lots of goodies for baby and me. Luckily, my colleague drives a 4-wheel-drive/ truck. Their luggage couldn't have fit into my car, actually. So, maybe the accident happened for a reason? And also to remind myself to be more careful next time. Of course, the repair cost will hurt a bit.

My poor car is in the garage now. A courtesy car may be delivered to me tomorrow.

Weather is forecasted to be bad and snowy this weekend.

5th and 6th aunt are resting now, exhausted after the long flight journey. They were quite impressed by the pond view from my backyard. I hope I can be a good host to them during their stay here.

Dear aunts, thank you very much for the things you passed to me through Aunt Siok Ching- honey, baby clothes etc. I really appreciate it.

Hope all is well back home. I will keep all of you posted.

Love,

Sis

ok, hope everything goes just according to plan. 2 more days to delivery. baby is in tha house!!

the day the earth stood still

i went to see the movie yesterday. i seldom go to cinema nowadays even though i am an evict movie fan. maybe i think the current american movies aint as good as they used to be. but keanu reeve is on top of my list for sure. i like his weird characters in matrix trilogy & constantine, and most importantly his movies usually touch on subjects i have profound interest in, i.e. human society,human civilisation or humanity, viewed from a third party's eye aka alien la.

this movie follows the same pattern. but i would say it isn't as good as the other keanu movies. the director could have added more depth, maybe some hidden metaphors into this movie. instead i think they just use big names like keanu, jenifer connelly or son of will smith to sell the movie.. anyway its worth to spend the rm10 la and a lot better than the average sci-fi movies where human always win the battle against evil aliens..zzz. and i will keep a hd dvd version for sure.

one thing that keep me thinking is it debates on whether human will change at the brink of extinction. its kinda funny as i thought of an essay i wrote back in secondary school. its regarding some environmental issues and how we can save the earth shit.. i wrote something like human race is a disgrace to mother earth, because it just keep multiplying and consuming everything including itself and then die off eventually, just like the bacteria colony in the petri dish. the only way to stop the destructive cycles of these scums is kill them like injecting some penicilin or poisons .

i can still remember the expression on the face of Nancy Cheong, my english teacher, when she handed back my assignment..:)))

bukit antarabangsa

I have to mention this landslide incident at bukit antarabangsa. It happened at last saturday morning. i heard a lot of bomba & ambulance sirens that morning coz my site is beside the MRR2 ampang junction. I didn't know the news until 5pm when i saw it on tele. Bukit antarabangsa is juz 2km away from my site. I didn't have time to write on this til now coz theres simply too many things to mention.

Bukit antarabangsa is a very nice place to stay, sitting atop the hilly area in northern kl. nearby is taman sri ukay, ampang hilir,etc. where many rich ppl buy empty lands to build their dream homes. The area is actually developed back in early 80's but only small scale housing schemes scattered along the foot of the hill. but then condos r constructed on top the hills nearby. its magnificiant actually, half the time cloud and mist surrounds the condo area, genting is visible just a few mountains away.

Then the highland tower condo incident happened in early 90's. ppl started to point finger at developers, engineers and local authorities. the developer declared bancruptcy, local towm council immuned from any responsibility, and the poor clerk of work who signed on the building checklist become the scapegoat. wtf!

in my opinion, i dun think it is the design or construction failure. I am sure the consultant would have put in enough safety factors especially in this sort of terrain. I am also sure no matter how negligent the supervising stuffs were during the construction, the building wouldn't have stood for 10 good yrs before it toppled. cracks and ground settlement would appeared within 3-6 months if something is wrong with the building design.wht is wrong then?

i think in the early stage when the hill is covered with trees, the ground is safe. it's ok to clear just the hill top and construct condo there. the piling drilled into limestone bedrock will hold the building. then other developers come along and started clearing the area below the hill and altered the geological strength along the slope. worst, these developers only in charge of the small pockets of land within their boundary, i.e. they do their own drainage system, lay their own sewege pipe and water supply pipe. so on paper, nothing is wrong if we just focus their individual project. they miss the big picture, their drains r NOT inter-connected. worst, some developer will just cut the old drain to do their own system.

after few yrs, the hill is fully developed, rain water cannot permeate the soil, water run-off is strong and without big monsoon drains to divert the water, it acumulates below the soil. during rainny season, the water slowly erodes the sand and limestone slowly, underground canals r formed. few yrs down, nature will select one fine day,......kaboom. it's hydrology 101 and yet special investigation committee bullshit will be set up to check the cause.. check my hairy ass, man.


by right, government town planning should have a grand blue-print for the entire area. all developers should plan their projects according to this blue-print, ensuring all drainage, water,electric supply, sewage lines are linked together.which area is green belt, which area is allowed for development, which slope stability method should be adopted, where is the toeing area for the slope & strictly prohibited for any earthwork. its call zoning, lesson no. 1 in any town planning course.

development on slope is nothing new. wht is bkt antarabangsa compared to monaco, italian alps, turkey's monastries, china's suspended temples on cliffs, or those ancient buildings on greek islands?

the sad thing is state government curi-curi approve the development to private players which mostly sits on state land. so, mana ada blue print? and town council only check on individual development, they dun have power to ask developer to do infra works outside the boundary.and when disaster strikes, our dear work minister will come out and declared it's an act of god ! mcb, now god is blamed pula and everyone shut up coz u wont blame god right??. let's find a weak scapegoat like supervisor or engineer to blame and case closed.

now, the government declared ban on all hill side projects. things will quiet down for some time, then back to good old time. my client bought a piece of 10,000sq ft empty land for rm2 mil in the area few yrs back. imagine how many billions & trillions worth of land is there . stop the development?! in my sweet fucking day dream..

now, i fear next one to come is bukit cheras, the area is very steep and packed with condos and bungalows. hopefully the limestone there is stronger than the ones in bukit antarabangsa.hope God have mercy on ppl staying there.

penang

just come back from penang yesterday. my gf family rushed back on saturday bcoz her uncle is in ICU, some complications after heart bypass op. so, after work and having a nap for 1 hr, we took off at 11pm. i always like to hit the highway at night, especially after midnight. i dun know, maybe when i was small, dad used to wake us up at 4am to start our looong journey to east coast for holiday. that is one the best childhood moments.anyway, halfway in tapah i felt too tired d and wanna rest in ipoh. hai.. think i am old now coz i used to drive to penang and back in the same day just 5 yrs ago. to my surprise all hotels i know r fully booked. so basically i just drag myself to penang in a record 6 hr journey, stopping 6 times in between.

i havent go to penang for some times d and things sure change. dun now wheteher they continue the 2nd bridge thingie to batu maung or not. but good to see they expand the bridge to 3 lane carriageway. i have to stay in bukit jambul coz the gf family is there. surprised to see so many big developments going on in this part of the island. the abandoned jusco is completed and this queensbay mall is good, its more shoppable than gurney for sure! the thing that caught my attention is this jerajak thingie with their own marine jetty. guess they built some resort on the other side of the island. got to go next time.

bayan lepas is also picking upo fast. so many developments. i think the quality and planning is very good, maybe its a good place for investment. heard the price will drop a bit next yr due to econ crisis.. but definately an area to good potential in long run.

the next day, i stayed in batu ferranghi. so many big timer developers have move in to the reclaimed land along the coastal area. E&O, capitaland,etc. but i guess the developements will be affected as most foreign investers have pulled out from these sort of overly high-end project. maybe its still good to invest in nearby condos rm 500k-800k by local developers. they will be desperate to let go their units next yr when econ hits the worst horizon.

hmm, the food is good as always, gulped down 5 x asam laksas, 4 x kari mee, 6 x kuitiew, 4x prawn mee, many many loh baks, and many many cups of 8-po peng, ahhh.. my favourite.

but the traffic is as confusing as always, the road signs r negligible and the drivers... speechless. lets see, almost bumped by 2 formula 1 racers disguised as malay ladies in tudung in, shown mid fingers 2 x , showed mid finger 1x. really hope mr lim guan eng can do somethin abt this.. too bad the government turned down the LRT proposal ,again..sigh

and we didn't see the uncle in hospital bcoz the family apparently have this pantang that anyone younger than him cannot visit him. hmm.. so why am i goin in penang ?

One Night Stand with OL

( hahaha.. i love this metaphor...)

One day, a plain-looking man came with a pretty-looking OL
to the LV store. He chose an LV bag worth RM6,000 for the OL.

When it came time to pay, the man took out a checkbook and wrote out a check. The salesperson was hesitant because the couple hadn't shopped there before.

The man discerned what the salesperson was thinking and he said calmly:

"I sense that you are concerned that this check may bounce, right?
Today is Saturday and the banks are closed. Let me suggest that I leave
the check and the handbag here. When the check clears on Monday,
you can deliver the handbag to this lady. How about that? "

The salesperson was reassured and gladly accepted the suggestion. In
addition, he waived the delivery charges. He promised that he would
personally make sure that this gets done.

On Monday, the salesperson took the check to the bank.
The check bounced!
The irate salesperson called up the client hesitantly.

The client told him:

"What is the big deal? Neither you nor I have suffered any loss.
Last Saturday night, I went to bed with that girl already!
Oh, by the way, I thank you for your cooperation."

*********************************************************
This story reveals the nature of the sub-prime mortgage crisis.
When people have high hopes for huge future returns, they lower
their guard about the potential risks. This pretty girl thought that
LV bag was going to come home on Monday, and so she lowered
her guard.

Therefore, she believed that her investment in the ONS
(=one night stand) was worth it even though it was based upon huge and
highly uncertain risks.

Investment companies are great with packaging high return
(but high risk) deals.

The stock market speculators are like this pretty woman.
As such, they deserve to lose money. Without people like these, how are those filthy corporates going to make money from the stock market? and why would they public listed their companies or offered mcb unit trust funds thus share their profit with others in god sake!

As for the media and the stock analysts, they often play the role of the LV salesperson.

o.k.u.

A disabled resident in my condo project called me up on saturday regarding the public facilities issue. i went to his unit to understand wht was going on. hmm this young man looks familiar, wait a minute, he is that guy appearing on the astro program titled ' living in malaysia' ! he is wheelchair bound since birth due to polio if i remembered correctly. anyway, it's his charisma caught my attention coz this guy is oozing with confidence and one with most optimistic view i have ever seen.

he basically gave me a lecture on how to improve the o.k.u facilities in the building. I am humbled coz frankly i never imagine how much trouble it takes for an o.k.u to access the ramps, stairs, lift,etc. he has to folk out extra money to modify his condo door entrance, toilet and all the electrical switches.pity him.

i reviewed my construction drawing again even tho i have flipped it at least 1000times,but this is the very first time from an o.k.u. perspective. i have to admit the building will be a nightmare if u r on wheelchair, the swimming pool and beautiful garden is not accesible coz of the fancy landscape design, the road entrance ramp is too steep, the grab bar in o.k.u toilet too high, the toilet door too narrow,etc. gee.. i submitted a report and this guy's complaint letter to the developer and architect, but deep down, i know the hope of any change is slim coz it gonna cost extra 50k for the developer and there is no enforcement in the majlis requirement.

this morning, when i passed by the toll on my way to work, this malay lady in the air-cond counter is busy applying vinyl on her finger nails, humming to the song played on radio. it took her full 30 sec of frantic finger disco dancing to let the nail dry before collecting my bills. i wonder why not the toll company employs o.k.u. as toll cashiers instead? its perfect right? can earn a living with a simple job. and for that very talented lady, i am sure she can find a better job as a singer and manicurist.

beauty is for the beast

just finished reading this and it made me sick. why is this shit always so happens in religious state? it happens in kelantan, terengganu,middle east for centuries and this,in pakistan. wtf

by Nasrullah Kahn ( pakistan )

Neeha Roomi was only 12 when she was raped for the first time. She was a famous model and she used to dance on Arab T.V. This is how I came to know her, though I didn't really know her personally. Abdulla had come to take me to the bar where there was going to be a special show of Neeha's dancing. She was a good friend to Abdulla and Abdulla had come to tell me something he knew I would want to write a story about. He knew I was a writer and I knew he was a good storyteller, so he spoke and I listened.

Pouring the wine and passing the cup to me, Abdullah slowly mentioned, "Rape is a very common thing in our country."

"So what is strange in that if it's common in our country? Some are dropping bombs in mosques and others are raping poor girls. Above all our leaders are raping the whole land, while we are exchanging talks about our fatherland like a volcano vomiting. Let us drink and forget our aching prayers " I replied indifferently while clinking my glass with his. The unmistakable theme song from 'Magnolia Girls' snaked through the resounding beat from the one of the most reputed Arabian nightclubs.

I stood looking out at the sunset that was disappearing behind the fast shut eyelid of the ocean, like a golden ball growing smaller."Did you not hear what I just said?" asked Abdulla with a sound of anger in his voice, thinking I wasn't listening or that I cared not to what was happening in our country. He set his glass down heavily seeming very annoyed.

"Yes, I heard you. Speak, I'm listening."

Abdulla stared at me then added, "Neeha left home. She was sold to a Brothel house and was exposed to endless rapes." Abdulla walked toward the window where I stood, with both hands in the pockets of his pants, as though in thought. He then turned his back toward me. I could tell something was not right as he walked toward the table.

"We all know this thing has been going on like this for ages." I said, "Once a girl is sold to pimps, they are endlessly raped. What great stuff to write about, huh? What do you people think? Can such plain hurtful stories be converted into literature?" I frowned.

"She was raped by her father." Abdulla revealed the fact

"What?"

"Yes, facts are always strange, my dear writer."

"No, Man could not do a thing like that nor beast." I cried.

Without a smile Abdulla spoke words, which were hard for me to believe. When he told me that Neeha was raped by her father; I could scarcely believe my ears.

"No, no!" I shouted. "Her father could never do that."

"Believe it, my dear writer." Abdulla stood staring at me.

"Shall I continue?" he asked.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear more or not but it seemed Abdulla was giving me a good story to write about. Neeha seemed to me a good person. Why would anyone want to rape her; especially her father? I knew Abdulla wouldn't lie to me because we had been friends since college, and I had never known him to tell me anything that was not true. My heart developed feelings I never thought I had. Why her Father? It was such a bitter truth. As I sat with my face in my hands, pouring out my heart, Abdullah poured himself another drink of wine."Care for another?" he asked offering me my cup.

"No, I just want you to tell me more about Neeha." Abdulla proceeded, "I was in my teens when Neeha was born. She was the daughter of Fatima Dai. Dai is the title for the women in the villages who earn their living by singing at weddings, and births of male children. These women live to entertain others. They make people laugh, children happy. Lovers use them to deliver secret messages while elders delight in them. They are like minstrels. They live on peoples' joys, though no one cares for theirs.

“When I became a man, feeling the stormy urge for sexual desires, my friend Raheem revealed another secret of Fatima. He told me about the feeding time for young men. Feeding time was the sexual training time for sex. One day I stole five rupees, fee for feeding, from grandmother's old box and walked to the dark hut of Fatima. I reached her muddy and dirty room like a thief and knocked at the door. My hands were trembling. She came out and looked at me. She had a strange look on her face.”

"Is your mother okay?" she asked.

"I'm not here for my mother. I have come...," I paused.

"Don't be afraid," she said, "tell me frankly why you would come here in this darkness? Is your cock disturbing you?"

"Cock?" I could not understand her pun. "I don't have a cock."

Her loud laughter startled me.

"If you don't have a cock, then why are you here? What is it you will do with me?"

I begin to realize what she was saying. I started to laugh and without any hesitation I answered, "Yes Fati, I am here for feeding." She held my hand and took me inside.

"Where is my fee?" she asked.

I gave her my five rupees. The next thing that happened was quite disturbing for me. I looked at Abdulla with tear stained eyes. I could not help crying over Fati. I waited to hear what else he had to say.

"There was an intolerable smell in her body and mouth. She did everything knowing I was immature. But when she told me to run away I looked at her. Why should I run? I asked her.

"Because now it is feeding time for your father. Your mother is pregnant, you know."

I felt as if someone had thrown a bomb on me. I ran and ran until I came to an open field, near a graveyard. That night I wept bitterly. For many years after I remained abnormal, sexually. It was exposed to me like a stinking smell of a dead animal. I even stayed away from anyone who spoke about her. A year later she got married to Gulami. Gulami was the male Dai, having the same status of Fatima. After her marriage I heard she changed. I, myself, saw her burning candles in the dark mosque of the village. A year after she got married she had a daughter and she called her, Neeha. She was very pretty. It was hard to believe such a pretty girl could come from such ugly parents. Later, Neeha's father became a victim to the young men from the Pakistani Army. In those days some men from the army would come and forcefully take you because of some tension on the borderline of India. And if you were poor, you were a scapegoat. As you know, Writer, a poor man is unlucky by birth. Gulami hadn't been seen for ten years, Indian Army imprisoned him, and when he returned he looked like a hundred year old man. He looked like a moving skeleton with a long white beard. He came back to the village but was never the same, losing his memory at times. Neeha, in those days, used to go to Mosque to learn Holy Quran, with her head covered. Gulami, her father, turned like a beast. Abdulla looked at Writer, "That's when Neeha was raped by her father."

I turned his eyes away from Abdulla. It was hard for me to think a father would do such a thing to his daughter. Abdulla started the story again, after having a sigh. "He didn't realize what he was doing, forgetting at times, because of his memory loss, she was his daughter. Her cries brought tears in the eyes of even stonehearted people of the village. I am sure that even God in Heaven was weeping. It wasn't long after that, Fati and Neeha disappeared. Gulami went out of his mind and disappeared into the barren mountains and was never seen again. Everyone thought that a beast devoured him. Soon everyone forgot about all that had happened, until one night, when I saw Neeha in a dancing club. And now you will see Neeha yourself."

I found tears in the eyes of Abdulla

The announcer announced Neeha's arrival. She was a changed person after going through so much and she was still beautiful. Everyone went crazy over her. I was amazed to see how well she danced. Her every step seemed to hold the breath of life. With a delicate, untroubled style, she aroused the emotions of the people. Her eyes held a feeling of hope and charm, as my mind went back to the time when she was raped and wondered how she could have put up with so much. I was sure that night, that deep down in her heart she was aching.

On the way to the bar to see Neeha, Abdulla wondered if Neeha would dance like she did the last night he saw her.

To his surprise, she captivated his very soul. She had
a beautiful combination of beauty and art. She looked
at Abdulla and I with the promise of Heaven and
pleasure. She was amazingly wonderful.

After the show Abdulla introduced her to me. "He is a Writer. He has a rich heart and great love for life and arts. Would you like to join him?"

A lingering smile of delight came across her face.

"Though we may live in different circumstances, it seems I know you." I told her. "How can we acquaint ourselves?" I asked.

She looked me in the eyes and in a most delicate tone she said, "Do you hear the sound of the sand constantly running? Do you hear the waves splashing against the cliff? Do you hear steps creeping around the wet road on a stormy night? Do you hear the songs of a traveler singing in the vast desert? Do you hear the tragic music of falling leaves in autumn? Do you..." She wanted to speak more but I stopped her saying:

"Yes, yes, you are like me. Child at heart, in this mercantile society. You love nature and arts, where even feelings have become commodity." We stood from where we sat and walked hand and hand out the door. Outside the bar we saw the waves of the ocean. As we walked together along the seashore, we felt free and got lost in the moment and neither of us spoke. Neeha looked at me.

"So you want to write a story about me?" Smiling Neeha bent down, picked up a stone and cast it out toward the huge waves. "What odd chaps you writers are." I smiled.

"You sell the afflictions of people and gain your reputation, then you die and other editors sell stories about your miserable lives. What an odd desire it is that first you talk about others, and then others talk you about. What a foolish desire of being known. I learned a long time ago, that we should walk away from this life silently. Why can't we all think that all roads lead to the dark grave?"

Neeha noticed the waves had thrown a fish upon the sand and she ran to throw it back in the water.

"Yes, that's it," said Neeha, " We are like that fish. We get out of the water and someone, much like death, throws us back in. In this world we are actually out of water but thanks to death, which takes us back to life. Death, in fact, is the real name for life. The rest is all sand! The desires we have are just love for sand." Neeha helped me to understand. She was so fascinating. It made my heart beat with excitement. My manhood was blooming with the desire to be closer to her so I could love her forever.

We stopped and looked into each other's eyes. In the twilight of early morning, I could see her eyes glitter. I could not hold back. My desire was to kiss them. I took her face into my hands and kissed her eyes gently. She closed her eyes and I softly placed a kiss on both of them.

She remained indifferent. She seemed lost in her own thoughts; while at the same time my heart was over-joyed.

"You are so beautiful!" I whispered.

She seemed distant. Looking at the rising sun, she softly spoke, "Yes but, beauty is for beast."

Neeha turned from me, leaving me to myself. I stood alone on the sands of time waiting for someone to come to throw me into the water.

Nasrullah Khan says, "I live in a country where people are afraid of life. Their sleep has lost dreams. I want to reawaken their oppressed dreams; I want to share their woes; I want to share the suffering of their shrieking souls. Humanity is dying and I am trying to put a few drops of water on its dry tongue so that it should face death bravely. My writing is the echo of their flagging hopes and raging desires."

despair

i felt absolutely down. sis called and we chatted on her progress since delivery schedule is juz 3 weeks to go. she sounds very down and tired coz she is still seeing out patients on daily basis. can't stop coz she needs the money for the period she cant work after delivering the baby. since she is a partner doctor now, there wont be any income if dun work. her back is aching and tummy is rock hard by now. so to imagine her going to patients house in winter time alone make me wanna cry.
and i can't offer any damn help.

worset still, she said she is worried the legal fee after the baby is born. since she is not a uk pr yet, the baby will be without official nationality unless the father, which holds the pr, sign on the birth cert. til now only sis mentioned the damn fella said clearly he won't admit any responsibility or sign any document, all that back in june. and sis never contacted him after that. she consulted a lawyer and the only way is appointing a court order to force a dna test, if positive, enforce him to sign the birth cert. i am so upset now, how can a man be so cruel to an innocent baby? i can accept if he wont want to get married, i can also accept if he wont take any responsibilty after the baby is born, but a simple signature to a piece of paper to safeguard the baby's status?! a blady 'no'. juz bcoz he insisted an abortion? speechless..

and the lawyer sent her a bill of 200 pounds for a paragraph long email and 300 pounds for a 30 minutes discussion. so can't really predict how much its gonna costs to get the court order thingie.. 2 finger salute to all fat ass lawyers out there. why there aint any ppl like karpal singh or micheal chong in uk?sigh

i just dunno how she is gonna handle all these things alone, got to recover fast, take care of the baby, and the court case all in the same time. my aunts can only stay for 2 weeks after her delivery. it means she will be alone by then til another aunt takes care of her in mid feb. wht if she suffers from ceasarean complications, wht if she falls down alone in the house, wht if the baby fells sick? she said she can't afford and wouldn't dare to think of these right now, and all i can say is things will be fine... it's not.

paris

paris is 3 month old now. she is now officially a family member in my house coz my gf wont give her away. her bro, rooney is given to a relative. even though she is still very young, she has brokealmost all the records, held previously by her biological father,beckham.
lets check out the 'achievements' til now
1) climb up the stair cases to my bedroom and shite on my carpet at 2 month old. now she polishs her skill ,shit behind the door instead. all the poo-trays and countless hrs of toilet training r flushed in toilet i guess.
2) eats only alpo brand's food & chicken breast. and for the past 1 week, she wont eat from the bowl unless its hand-feeded. mccb
3) went lepak in the field 200m from my house, hurdling all the obstables in between : 2 ft high bar at entrance gate,double lane road,a monsoon drain. and in record time of less than 10sec from the moment i opened my door.
4) totally demolished all my flower pots, the plants are minced into some green slimy stuff, soil totally digged out.my green turf is now looking like a mining land

i just brought her for the jab yesterday. the vet said she is super light weight, at 950gm.she is 700gm 2 month ago. her bro is almost double the size by now. whts wrong ? maybe she is hyperactive, wont sleep till 2am. luckily she doesnt have the habit of barking.i have to pack her crate with toys to keep her busy.

i miss beckham a lot even tho he is just away 1 week at my dad's place.he will just do his stuff quietly, eats anything,sleeps at 10pm(give me a grumbling face if i stay too late for disturbing his sweet dream ),wailing his tail at door step if he needs to go out pooing, great.

and i duuno how long its gonna take to train this pain in the ass. maybe it's a good grueling test if i decided to have a baby in future..

finger X'ed

just have a long tele-convo with sis in morning.gee it's 10am here so wht is she doin at 2am over there. things still look shaky with so many possible outcomes. let's recap
1) baby delivered 22/12. hopefully 6th aunt manages to fly from canberra to meet her 1 by 18/12. she can stay for 2 weeks till new year.
2) new yr,4th aunt need to come back from auckland, meet 5th aunt in singapore, then take over the baton from 6th aunt. they will then come back for cny
3) during cny, either father or young sis has to go. but young sis can only take 1 week leave. maybe i have to take over then.
4) so, there will be no plan 6 weeks after delivery. but sis says she should have recovered by that time. i am not convinced thou. maybe then gf has to go as last option.

oh gf juz came back from the stupid cruise. she went to phuket on this virgo thingie with her sis. they embarked in singapore enroute penang to phuket. i never like sea transportations, be it sampan,boat,or queen mary liner. a 2 hr boat ride is nough to make me puke til dehydrartion, let alone a 4 day trip staring at dizzy sea waves.

anyway, as expected, she complained the trip is boring , food onboard is so-so, only few outlets to shop ( who would think of shopping on a ship?), and most unbearably have to squeeze with rude china tourists be it during breakfast buffet, shopping queue,gala dinner, and of course the legendary 'flying sword',they hav this habit of spitting like every 5 minutes, why i dunno ..

haha so she ended up exercising 4 hrs in gym a day and patrolling the deck from one end to another like a safety guard. pity her.

but she told me so interesting facts based on her observation on ppl onboard.
1) china tourists - very noisy, very kan-cong, shop like headless chickens, unbelievably spending power, 1 couple bought rm2,000+ of souvenier key rings?!, 1 man bought 3 watches approx. rm70,000. they never sleep, gambling in casino at night and swiping credit cards daytime.

2) japanese tourists- they r hibernating. either reading books in cafeteria,sunbathing by the pool, sleeping on deck.

3) euporean tourists - forever sunbathing at the deck,by the pool, in their rooms, anywhere sunny

4) malaysian/songaporean tourists- complaining this is their first and definately the last trip for them.

haha.. i think lim kok thye made the wrong move to invest in this cruise thingie. but who can blame him right since anwar threatened to tarik balik genting gambling license in the early 90's. but it's such a pity to let this mobile casino degraded to its state today.

jcb marvel

the infrawork is now almost completed. sewege line cleared,surface drainage culvert cleared, street lighting poles cleared,CCTV lines cleared, syabas water and hydrant cleared. things looked good till the first layer of binder course is laid. groundwater just seeped out thru the binder from nowhere. fuck, have to call up consultant for contingency plan, postponed the majlis inspection schedule, and contractor, as usual, is happy chirpy having the oppurtunity to claim v.o. works. so, subsoil drain has to laid in fuckin 24 hrs b4 the neighbouring bungalow dato making busy phone calls to town council, ministry of housing,mp, tv3,nst.. and i am not sure this subsoil drains proposal is gonna to work.

nevermind, the thing that get me excited is the marvelous jcb. i have seen so many stunts performed by this baby machine. not to mentioned some disasters i.e. sliding into big muddy pool, sinking into mud where the driver has to be saved by mobile crane, or completely submerged during the raining season. aah i love the good dirty muddy old time at the early stage of the project. so, while digging the trench for the subsoil system, 'panjang' has to perform this manuave which is my favourite. i dunno why he is called panjang but there r few panjangs in my site alone. as expected others r known as pendek, gemuk, misai, janggut,botak. and i know they call me putih at my back.

i wish to have one jcb at my garden if i am filthy rich one day, uh uh imagine me crossing the drains like that,fuck 4x4 la, then i can clear weeds or trim my flowers with hydraulic powered bucket,and if my neighbour dares to park his car infront my gate, i can lift it onto his roof...woohooo!

final chapter

hahaha my project is finally completed. Today all the authority inspections are done. While waiting for all the sokongan letter to be ready, we shall prepare the borang E together with all the as-built drawing.

Hooray I can celebrate christmas by the pool deck.
Hooray I can finally dispose all the drawings which I kept for 4 yrs
HooraY I can look forward to the next project ( if any?)
HoorAY I am gonna be jobless by CNY...

disaster

Hi, dear.

Any news from the prospect babysitter yet?

Saw my obstetrician today, Caesarean arranged for 22/12/08. She finally agreed to let me have it through gritted teeth. I hope she doesn't purposely do a bad job, make my scar ugly or anything like that. I wasn't pleased the date is so near my due date, but no choice, there isn't any earlier date available. So I guess that's the provisional DOB of my son! Less than 1 month to go.... So scared.... My life is gonna be permanently drastically changed....for the better, I hope

Have father decided on a few Chinese names for my (son)?

Been very busy, working long hrs 7days/week lately, but enough for now. Can't take it anymore, been feeling lethargic easily, backache etc. Not gonna accept anymore weekend jobs.

I tried making the yam cake using your recipe, it was a disaster. I added too little water, so it was really tough and hard, even broke the plastic fork i used to eat it! Forced myself to eat for 2days, then gave up and threw the rest away. maybe i'll try again, just once more.

Love,

Sis


Doh! this is tough.. everything u tell me to do is undone and i dunno how to tell u this. basically no nanny in malaysia is willing to take up the baby-sitting job in a shitty place like durham. it's so far and in a few months time uk foreign ministry will impose entry visa for all fellow malaysians. eer.. so u will have to take care of urself and the baby alone in the cold winter night.. wtf. this is disastraous!

and dun mention about dad. i think he has mastered the skill of self deception, the epic escapism. he still thinks benny boy is gonna to come back for the sake of the baby. duh ! wtf that mothafucker cares more about some fuckin sports car engine than his own baby. fuck him. and fuck his entire fucked up family too. which parents in thier right mind will advise the son to break up if his gf refuse to abort the baby right? and a 30 yr old doctor still receiving pocket money from the parents? this is insane.

yes, the baby's chinese name. dad is doing a bit of research on the art of naming. last week he told me he will conjure the name with 5 elements -metal,wood,water,fire,earth coz it represents eternity. ?????? since when dad is into alchemy !?eternity what? robbie williams ? u can imagine how shit it will sound right , ah kam?ah mook?ah shui? why not juz ah beng.

so how? how? how? how am i going to reply ur mail? and u think the cake is a disaster, this is calamity! damn messy.less than a month, fuck.think think think.

decision decision

haaa.. the bomba inspection is over. really smooth and eventless.. very weird but welcomed anyway. so 1 down 3 to go. can prepare for iwk final inspection next week and then the bangunan and perancang. wallah.. my job is done and the 4 years project will finally be completed.

and i-city ppl offered job already. shit. so soon. the timing is wrong. got to wait till after chinese new yr i think. let me think. decision decision...

taiwan

something wrong with this week. a supposedly hectic week with in-house testings for all m&e equipments, gensets, bomba pumps, fire alarms go very smooth, too smooth indeed. no start-up failure, no transformer malfunctioning, soft starter failure, change over failure,etc. just ok. i just have this bad feeling coz either the contractors are coning me or things will blow up in the actual authority inspection.

so this taiwan place i went last month, it's just as what i expected, over-hyped and downright boring. i went there after our parliment backbenchers came back from their agro tours. i dunno what they learned there. i see a lot of fruits there: pineapples,pamelos,nonas,jack fruits,star fruits but its all available in our country. we also have durian,langsat,cempadak,etc. which they dun have. anyway, i am no agro expert.

i dun why but taiwan never been on my wish-to-go list, maybe their crap tv shows are too crap so the country must be crap too. but my gf insisted we must go,she is brain washed by their cook shows and fashion news. they keeped promoting their pasar malam delicacies on tv, u know, like some tv stars or singers sampling food from 1 stall to another with a lot of 'oooohh...waaahh...hmmm' expressions and some retarded jokes which they considered humour.

I was there for a week, went to taipei,jie-fen,nan-tau,hualien,taichung,kaoshiung. too lazy to eloborate coz there's nothing special. let's see what is good and bad on this ah-bengs island.

good
1) cloths and shoes is way better than malaysia, and very cheap. good news for the girls.
2) lots of cute dogs on the street
3) very few polices on the street, so u do anything u like on the street
4) a lot of pale & stick thin chicks around, and friendly generally
5) street is clean. ppl bring own plastic bags around.

bad
1) the pasar malam food is tasteless, lots and lots of variety but taste alike. nothing compared to penang hawkers, or even petaling street's.
2) road & traffic is crazy, the town planners and council engineers should be shot in the head
3) weather is crap, just like malaysia, with additional typhoons and mudslides'
4) taroko national park, my only hope, is disappointing. muddy river, dry-up waterfalls, panaromic view from cameron or fraser is better than this.
5) the imperial palace museum, is disappointing. those kmt buggers steal so many treasures from beijing in the 30's and this is what they put up for show? where is the 3 million pieces of artifacts they smuggled here. maybe sold by their stupid ex-president ah bien d...
6) politics of course.. which president in the world is as stupid as taiwan's? makan wang also clever a bit la, masuk dalam personal account.. they must learn from our premiers...
7) lots & lots of temples, all private and force ppl to donate money, wtf. the temples archi is crap and of no historic value.. crap

bali

back from langkawi empty handed , i have this total contrast feeling when i was back from bali 3 months ago. so i organized my photos taken in bali to cheer myself a bit & before it disappeared from my notebook. bali is a tremendous place, a perfect island - beach, babes, nightlife, shopping, culture,architecture,food,arts,mountain, valcano,u name it, it's there. sweet heaven...